Changes

Bao is becoming more and more involved in our family now. He is not, in any way shape or form, shy. Not in the least. Shy boys don’t try to open every hotel room door as you walk down the hall. Shy boys don’t try to take beer mugs off a waitresses serving platter as she walks by. Shy boys don’t run laughing down the hallways of the hotel and shriek with delight. Shy? No. Not Bao.

It’s becoming clear that he is a very sweet and easy going boy. He seems to find humor in everything and we believe that, based on what we’ve seen, he’s extremely intelligent. He also has the longest fingers I’ve ever seen on a human being. Good thing we have a piano.

He and G are getting along well most of the time. But during certain situations, G has been having some uncontrollable meltdowns. It’s almost like he’s grieving. and it is so painful to watch. I hold him and rock him, but he just can’t stop crying.

I know this must be difficult for him–all the new changes and him not being the center of our world anymore. It’s hard on me too. I know I’ve spoken to some of you about how the G I know and love would no longer be around once Bao got here. And it’s true. He’s gone. I know at some point the greaving will stop and he’ll accept his new life and his new brother. But he will be different. We will be different.

Right now, all I can do is cry. I lay in bed with him and rubbed his back so he could fall asleep, the tears still filling his eyes. They soon filled mine as I sang his favorite lullabye. I wish I could help him through this time and wipe away all the pain and confusion that he’s feeling. I do what I can, but I have  to think of Bao now too.  He seems to be weathering the changes just fine and barely notices G’s meltdowns. Thank goodness he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. But for me, it’s not so easy. My heart is breaking.

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7 Comments

  1. Christina said,

    January 14, 2009 at 2:26 pm

    This time is hard – for all of you. I remember that feeling, that sense that nothing would ever be the same – and even wondering if we’d made a huge mistake shaking our family up like that. R~ was actually pretty fine in VN but she grew tired of Zeeb taking so much attention and started asking us to baby her the way we were babying him. But what I want to tell you is that over time as we found our “new normal” I also got my R~ back… she is very much the child she has always been, only now she also enjoys being a big sister too. So, try not to see the way things are right now as the way they will always be – this is a very stressful time for all of you and it won’t always be like this.

  2. SueCQ said,

    January 14, 2009 at 2:30 pm

    Wow! The pictures are both precious and heartbreaking, no?? And I LOVE G in the tub watching TV!! As I said in my e-mail, hang in there. What you’re experiencing isn’t all that different than forming a family/adding siblings, in all the modern ways . . . bio, adopted, step, foster, etc. As Christina said, you will find your “new normal” soon! Just keep loving . . . them, hubby, AND you!!! {{HUGS}}

  3. SueCQ said,

    January 14, 2009 at 2:31 pm

    Oh . . . and “not shy” is better than “a fighter”, yes?? Could ALWAYS be worse!! 🙂

  4. Moose said,

    January 14, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    I echo Sue’s comment – adding new siblings in any way tends to generate these reactions. All will be fabulous- hang in there!
    When are you coming home?

  5. Elaine said,

    January 14, 2009 at 4:00 pm

    Hang in there. It *will* get better. Love the photos.

  6. Andrea said,

    January 14, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    When Daddy first brought K to NNMC to see M, she held her claiming M as her own, gave her a ‘teddy’ then said, “put the baby back in the box”, referring to the infant crib. As the weeks passed, we became a family of four and we all adjusted. I feel badly for G, that he’s crying and so emotional. He’s not sad, his emotions are very close to grieving, however, keep in mind adopting Bao is one the best things you and Scratch will ever have done, for you, for each other, for Griffin and for Bao. Soon, you’ll find it hard to imagine your lives without it being ‘the four of you”. You have memories, great memories that will be so special (like when you first brought G home), and watching his grow into the awesome little boy he is now.

  7. Andrea said,

    January 14, 2009 at 5:08 pm

    And, it’s okay to cry too.


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